Frequently asked questions

End of life planning is the process of thinking ahead about what you would like to happen as you approach the end of your life and making sure the right people know your wishes. It can include practical things like writing a will, setting up a Lasting Power of Attorney, and sorting out your finances, as well as more personal things like recording your funeral wishes, leaving messages for the people you love, or thinking about the care you'd want to receive. It doesn't have to be done all at once, and it doesn't mean you're expecting to die soon. It's simply one of the kindest things you can do for the people you'll leave behind.

The honest answer is: earlier than most of us do. End of life planning isn't just for people who are elderly or seriously ill - it's for anyone who has people they care about or things they'd like to happen in a particular way. Many people put it off because it feels morbid or because they assume there's plenty of time. But having these things in place means that if something unexpected happens, the people you love won't be left guessing or making difficult decisions without guidance.

The most important things to consider are a valid, up-to-date will; a Lasting Power of Attorney (or two - one for finances, one for health and welfare); a record of your funeral wishes; a list of your accounts, assets, and important documents; and some way of passing on passwords or digital account information. Beyond the practical, many people also find it meaningful to leave letters, recordings, or other personal things for the people they love.

You don't legally have to have a will, but without one your estate will be distributed according to the rules of intestacy - a legal framework that decides who inherits what, and which may not reflect your wishes at all. Unmarried partners, close friends, and stepchildren, for example, have no automatic right to inherit under intestacy rules. A will also lets you name an executor (the person responsible for carrying out your wishes), appoint guardians for children, and leave specific gifts or messages. It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive, and it makes an enormous difference to the people left behind.  A list of solicitors local to your area can be found on the UK Law Society's website.

A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) is a legal document that allows you to appoint someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf if you're no longer able to make them yourself. There are two types: one covers your property and financial affairs, the other covers your health and welfare. You can only set up an LPA while you have mental capacity - you can't do it after the fact. Without one, your family may have to apply to the Court of Protection to make decisions for you, which is a lengthy and expensive process. Most people find that having an LPA in place gives them and their family real peace of mind.

An Advance Care Plan is a way of recording your wishes about the care and treatment you'd want, or wouldn't want, if you became seriously ill or were no longer able to communicate. It might include your preferences about where you'd like to be cared for, what treatments you would or wouldn't want, and what matters most to you in terms of quality of life. You can also make an Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment (sometimes called a living will), which is legally binding in England and Wales. Talking to your GP is a good starting point, and many hospices and charities offer guidance and templates.

Yes, absolutely, and many people find it a meaningful thing to do. You can record preferences about burial or cremation, the kind of ceremony you'd like, music, readings, who you'd want to speak, where you'd like your ashes to go, and much more. Some people prepay for their funeral through a funeral plan; others simply leave a written record of their wishes. Either way, having something written down takes a huge amount of pressure off the people organising your funeral at what is already a very difficult time.  This is something I can help you with, or you can join one of my group FUNeral Planning Parties.

It's enormously helpful to leave a clear record of your will and where it's stored, your bank accounts and financial assets, any insurance policies, pension details, property documents, and the contact details of your solicitor or financial adviser. A simple document - sometimes called a Letter of Instruction or an In Case of Death folder - can bring all of this together in one place. It doesn't need to be formal or complicated; it just needs to be findable.

This is something many people overlook, but it can cause real difficulties for families. Consider keeping a secure record of your important passwords, either written down and stored safely, or using a password manager with a trusted person named as an emergency contact. Think about what you'd like to happen to your social media accounts: Facebook and Instagram allow accounts to be memorialised or removed; other platforms have their own processes. You might also want to note any subscriptions, email accounts, or online services that will need to be cancelled.

Many people want to leave something more personal than a list of assets - a letter, a recording, a memory box, or a collection of photographs with notes. Some people write letters to be opened at future milestones: a child's graduation, a wedding, a difficult moment. Others record a video message or compile a playlist of meaningful music. There's no right way to do this, and it doesn't have to be elaborate. Even a few handwritten words can become something a family treasures for generations. This is something I can help with, should you need it.

This is often the hardest part. Many people worry about upsetting their family or making things feel more serious than they are. It can help to frame it as something practical and caring - "I want to make things easier for you".  Some people find it easier to start by sharing a document or a will, and letting the conversation grow from there. Organisations like Dying Matters have resources that can help open these conversations.  It's also worth considering booking one of my Family FUNeral Planning Parties to start the conversation.

In the immediate hours after a death, you don't need to do everything at once. If the death was expected, contact the person's GP or the hospice or care home team. If it was unexpected, call 999. You'll need a doctor to confirm the death before anything else can happen. Take your time as most things can wait a few hours.

In the first few days you'll need to register the death at your local registry office (usually within five days in England and Wales - see below for more details), contact a funeral director if you're using one, and begin notifying people. You don't have to do everything yourself - ask family or friends to help with calls and messages.

You'll need to tell the GP, any hospital or care home involved, the person's employer or pension provider, banks and financial institutions, and government departments. The Tell Us Once service (available after registering the death) can notify many government departments in one go.  It can feel quite overwhelming (I know this from experience) so please do get in touch if you need any guidance.

You register a death at the local registery office, usually within five days. You'll need the medical certificate of cause of death from the doctor. The registrar will give you the death certificate and a certificate for burial or cremation. You can book an appointment online or by phone.

A death certificate is the official record of the death. You'll likely need several certified copies - banks, pension providers, insurers and solicitors will each usually want an original. It's worth ordering at least five copies when you register, as getting more later costs time and money.

Tell Us Once is a free government service that lets you report a death to most government organisations in a single notification including HMRC, the DVLA, the Passport Office, and the Department for Work and Pensions. The registrar will give you a reference number to use it.

Hospital staff will guide you through the immediate steps. They'll issue the medical certificate of cause of death, which you'll need to register the death. The hospital bereavement team can help with paperwork and may be able to store the person's belongings until you're ready to collect them.

The care home or hospice will contact the GP and guide you through the next steps. They're experienced in supporting families at this time and can help with practical arrangements. You won't need to rush - take the time you need.

A coroner is involved when the cause of death is unknown, sudden, unexpected, or potentially unnatural. This doesn't mean anything suspicious has happened.  It's a legal process to establish the cause of death. The coroner's office will keep you informed and can answer your questions.  I experienced this with my husband's death so can walk you through my experience, if needed.

There's no legal requirement to arrange a funeral within a specific timeframe, though most take place within two to three weeks. If a coroner is involved it may take longer. You don't need to rush - take your time to make decisions you feel good about.

No, there's no legal requirement to use a funeral director. Families can arrange a funeral themselves, though it involves significant practical and logistical work. Most people find a funeral director helpful, but it's entirely your choice.  I, personally would recommend using a funeral director.  If you're in the Wiltshire / Somerset area, I can provide recommendations of wonderful funeral directors I have worked with.

Probate is the legal process of administering a deceased person's estate - their money, property and possessions. It gives the executor (or administrator) the legal authority to deal with the estate. Not all estates require probate, but most do if the person owned property or had significant savings.

Not always. If the estate is small, assets are jointly owned, or everything passes automatically to a surviving spouse, probate may not be needed. Banks and financial institutions set their own thresholds so it's worth contacting them directly to find out what they require.  Most should have a Bereavement Team so I would recommend asking to be put through to them - they tend to be a little more compassionate and helpful.

If someone dies without a will, they are said to have died 'intestate'. Their estate is distributed according to the rules of intestacy, which follow a fixed legal order - spouse or civil partner first, then children, then other relatives. These rules may not reflect what the person would have wanted so I would highly recommened having a will in place.  I know first-hand how challenging it can be, mentally, practically and emotionally, when there isn't a will.

Intestate simply means dying without a valid will. When someone dies intestate, the law decides who inherits their estate through the rules of intestacy. Unmarried partners, close friends, and stepchildren have no automatic right to inherit under these rules.

Check the person's paperwork at home, contact their solicitor if they had one, or search the National Will Register. Banks sometimes hold wills for safekeeping. If a will exists but can't be found, a solicitor can advise on next steps.

An executor is the person named in a will to carry out the deceased's wishes. Their responsibilities include registering the death, applying for probate, gathering and valuing assets, paying debts and taxes, and distributing the estate to beneficiaries. It can be a significant amount of work.

Banks will freeze the account once they're notified of the death. You'll need to provide a death certificate. Jointly held accounts usually pass automatically to the surviving account holder. Sole accounts are dealt with as part of the estate.

Debts don't disappear when someone dies - they're paid from the estate before any inheritance is distributed. If the estate doesn't cover the debts, they're usually written off. You are not personally responsible for a deceased person's debts unless you held them jointly.

Most platforms have processes for memorialising or removing accounts after death. Facebook and Instagram allow accounts to be memorialised. Google and Apple have legacy contact or inactive account manager settings. You'll usually need a death certificate and proof of your relationship to the person.

An Expression of Wish form (sometimes called a Letter of Wishes) is a way for someone to record what they would like to happen after they die. It might include whether they would prefer to be buried or cremated, the kind of funeral or ceremony they would like, particular music or readings, where they would like their ashes to go, who they might want personal possessions or jewellery to go to, or other personal wishes.

However, funeral wishes recorded in an Expression of Wish are not generally legally binding in England and Wales. The people with the legal responsibility for the will ultimately make the decisions, although the person's wishes can of course help to guide them.

Usually the next of kin or the executor of the estate. If you instruct a funeral director, you're entering into a contract with them and will be responsible for the bill. Costs are typically reimbursed from the estate once probate is granted.

There are options available. You may be able to apply for a Funeral Expenses Payment from the government, use a simple or direct cremation, or ask the local council to arrange a public health funeral.  You can also speak with the bank about accessing money from the deceased's account to pay for funeral costs.  Speak to the funeral director - many are experienced in helping families navigate financial difficulty.

Yes, if you're on certain benefits, you may be able to claim a Funeral Expenses Payment from the government. It won't cover all costs, but it can help. You need to apply within six months of the funeral. Check eligibility on the gov.uk website.

No. Funeral costs vary enormously. A direct cremation, where the cremation takes place without a ceremony, can cost from around £1,000. A more traditional funeral with a ceremony typically costs more. You can also arrange some elements yourself to reduce costs.

A direct cremation is a simple cremation without a funeral service. The body is collected, cremated, and the ashes returned to the family. It's the most affordable option and is increasingly chosen by families who want to hold a separate, more personal celebration of life at a time and place of their choosing.

Yes, you can provide your own flowers, write and print the order of service, supply music, or even carry the coffin yourselves. Many funeral directors are happy to work with families who want to be more involved. It can make the funeral feel more personal and reduce costs.  I can highly recommend working with a celebrant, like myself, to support you in creating the right service for you and your loved one.

Start by thinking about what the person who died would have wanted or what feels right to you. Do you want a religious or non-religious ceremony? Burial or cremation? A formal service or something more relaxed? Once you have a sense of direction, a funeral director and a celebrant can help you build from there.

A funeral usually takes place shortly after the death, often with the body or ashes present. A memorial service happens later, without the body present. A celebration of life is a broader term for any ceremony that focuses on honouring the person's life rather than the fact of their death. All three can be led by a celebrant.

Yes, funerals can take place in a wide range of venues: a woodland, a village hall, a pub, a garden, a sports ground, or anywhere that was meaningful to the person who died. The only legal requirement is that the burial or cremation itself takes place at a licensed site.

A natural burial (also called a green burial) involves burying the body in a biodegradable coffin or shroud in a natural burial ground, without embalming. It's an environmentally conscious choice and can be a beautiful, peaceful alternative to a traditional cemetery.

Ultimately, the next of kin or executor makes the decisions but a good celebrant will help you explore what feels right and make sure the ceremony truly reflects the person who died. If the person left funeral wishes, these should be taken into account, though they're not legally binding.

No, funeral wishes are not legally binding in England and Wales. However, most families do their best to honour them. If you're aware of someone's wishes and they conflict with what other family members want, a celebrant can help you find a way to honour the person while navigating those differences.

Yes, children can and often should attend funerals if they want to. Being included helps them understand what has happened and begin to process their grief. It's worth preparing them for what to expect - what they may see, hear, and feel.  A celebrant can help make the ceremony accessible and meaningful for children.

Not at all. Many funerals today are non-religious, or include a mix of religious and non-religious elements. A celebrant-led funeral is entirely tailored to the person who died and their family - it can be as secular, spiritual, or religious as you wish.

A funeral ceremony typically lasts between 30 and 60 minutes, depending on the venue and what you'd like to include. Crematorium slots are often 45 minutes. If you want more time for music, readings, or people to speak it's worth asking about a longer slot or choosing a different venue.

Ashes can be collected from the crematorium or from the Funeral Directors, usually a few days after the cremation. You can scatter them in a meaningful place, keep them at home, bury them, or have them made into jewellery, glass, or other keepsakes. There are very few legal restrictions on what you can do with ashes.

In England and Wales, you can scatter ashes on private land with the landowner's permission, at sea (beyond the low-water mark), or in many public spaces. Some places, like National Trust land or rivers, have specific guidance. It's always worth checking. There's no requirement to inform anyone.  We scattered Seb's ashes at Kew Gardens - we had to get permission - they let us into the gardens half an hour before it opened so we could scatter the ashes then have time to wander.

A funeral director takes care of the practical and logistical side of the funeral - collecting and caring for the body, arranging the coffin, organising the transport, liaising with the crematorium or burial ground, and coordinating the day itself. They're an essential part of the team.

A funeral celebrant creates and leads the ceremony. I'll meet with you to hear about the person who died, write a ceremony that truly reflects their life, and guide you through the day. I work with you to make sure the ceremony feels personal, meaningful, and right for your family.

A minister is ordained by a religious organisation and leads religious ceremonies. A celebrant is independent and creates bespoke, non-religious ceremonies - though we can include spiritual or religious elements if that's what you want.  A celebrant's ceremony is entirely tailored to you.

No, you're free to choose your own celebrant. Funeral directors often have celebrants they work with regularly, but you're not obliged to use them. It's worth taking the time to find someone you feel comfortable with, as you'll be sharing a great deal with them.

As soon as you feel ready - ideally before the funeral date is confirmed, so we can make sure the timing works. Don't worry if you're not sure what you want yet. Part of my role is to help you work that out. You can contact me even if you just want to ask a few questions.

This can be written by a family member or a friend but more often than not I work closely with you to craft something. I'll gather stories, memories and details about the person who died through a conversation with you and, if you'd like, other family members or friends. I'll then write a tribute that feels true to who they were. You'll have the chance to review and amend it before the day.

Our first conversation is about getting to know each other and talking about the person who died. I'll ask questions, listen carefully, and begin to build a picture of their life. There's no pressure and we go at your pace. After our meeting, I'll write the ceremony and share it with you for your thoughts.

Absolutely, and it can be one of the most moving parts of the ceremony. I'll support anyone who wants to speak, help them prepare if they'd like, and be ready to step in if they find it too difficult on the day. It's entirely your choice who speaks and for how long.

No. Grief is as individual as the person experiencing it and the relationship they had with the person who died. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no correct timeline, and no emotion that is off-limits. Whatever you're feeling is valid.

Grief rarely looks the way we expect. You might feel numb, relieved, angry, or strangely fine and then devastated weeks later. Grief doesn't follow a predictable path. If you're worried about how you're feeling, speaking to your GP or a bereavement counsellor can help.

Often the most helpful thing is simply to acknowledge the loss: 'I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you.' You don't need to have the right words - being present matters more than saying something perfect. Avoid phrases like 'at least' or 'everything happens for a reason', which can feel dismissive.

Practical help is often more useful than words. Offer something specific: 'Can I bring you a meal on Thursday?' or 'I'm going to the supermarket, can I pick anything up for you?' Keep checking in weeks and months later, when the initial support often fades but grief is still very present.

There are many organisations that offer bereavement support, including Cruse Bereavement Support, Sue Ryder, The Grief Gang, and Widowed & Young. Your GP can also refer you to a counsellor. You don't have to be in crisis to ask for help - support is there for anyone who is struggling.

Is it okay to laugh at a funeral?  Yes, absolutely.  Laughter and tears often sit side by side in grief, and a moment of laughter can be a beautiful tribute.  What if I don't cry?  That's completely normal.  What if I can't face going?  That's okay too - there's no obligation.  Do I have to wear black?  No. Wear what feels right.  Can we make the funeral funny? Yes, if that's who they were.  Can we play an 'inappropriate' song?  If they would have loved it, it belongs there.  What if I didn't have a good relationship with the person who died?  Grief is complicated when relationships were complicated. Whatever you're feeling is valid.